| Tears make a bad pie. |
[Nov. 25th, 2009|09:36 pm] |
IT WORKED!
Redd was so kind to point me to another recipe and omg, it worked! No tears involved!
The differences from this one (Ina Garten) and Alton Brown's was not minor. The amount of shortening was drastically reduced and there was water instead of booze. I was all on board with AB on the booze, but I think the copious amounts of shortening did me in.
It may work better if I had a food processor... But the Ina recipe worked when I used my hands and two knives. Like OLD TIMES.
Whew. I'm not a total failure. Now to not burn them. |
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| Sea Pansy and Genetics. |
[Nov. 25th, 2009|04:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
I wanted to complain about the mouse things I had to deal with today... but I am so... SO tired. And a little upset about it.
So here's what you get: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_pansy
SEA PANSY. hehe.
This makes me giggle.
Also, I'm going to be doing some pretty awesome genetic stuff soon. Man, this makes me very happy. Remember I was complaining a while ago that I was unhappy about being in immunology because I studied genetics? Well, here's my shot at the big leauge. Yay!
Just... I have completely forgotten it all! Things like "overhang" and "vector" have lost their secondary, scientific meaning in the 4 years I've been in immunology. I know things like "how to fix a pipette" and "what to do if a centrifuge explodes (panic!)" instead. Not entirely un-useful, just kinda ... less critical thinking. Ya know what I mean?
I hope this poses a chance for me to prove to my boss (vimal) that I'm totally worth keeping around when he becomes a professor in a year or two. We'll see! <3
Also... pass out. |
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| Pie Rage part DUH |
[Nov. 24th, 2009|11:44 pm] |
PIE RAGE
Second attempt was WORSE than the first apple pie I made with Alton Brown's recipe.
I hate your pie crust recipe alton brown. You should be ashamed that a geek with chemistry training can't manage your recipe. Or, I guess I should be...
Tomorrow I've stupidly invited some lab mates over to make pie... and I don't have a CLUE what I'm doing... much less how to teach it to someone else. I'm doomed.
I plan on spending the rest of the night pinching my fat and eating chips. |
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| Adding to one of my lists. |
[Nov. 23rd, 2009|06:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  wrathful | ] |
If I ran the country and could make any rules I wanted... I have a partial list ready
Eugenics! People described as burdens to be euthanized. (Needs stricter definitions)
Pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia penalized with castration if the offender is able to contribute to society. Death if not. See Eugenics.
Any consenting adults can marry, but there's no tax breaks involved. (needs work)
Health care and education by government program till age 10. Mandatory schooling till 18.
Daylight savings time abolished
Animal cruelty punishable by severe wage garnishing.
Mandatory census participation. Immigration strictly controlled.
and
Elderly people will not be allowed to drive if their break response is shit.
I nearly got hit today by a woman so old her face looked like a rotten jack o' lantern. She waved me through, too! And not till I felt the hot metal of her over sized SUV on my shoulder did she finally stop completely. Gahd. |
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| Work sucks up too much time. |
[Nov. 23rd, 2009|03:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
I had like... 4 months of doing nothing. It would have been a great time to get my medical crap out of they way.
I couldn't really afford it.
I would have been a great time to get my tires replaced, too.
But I didn't know I needed it.
Now I have a job and trying to impress my boss by being there on time and all day...
And I need to go to the doc REALLY bad, have my teeth removed and or bleached.... and the car needs tires REALLY bad.
I have no time...?
I hope my boss is flexible. |
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| Body image smimage. |
[Nov. 23rd, 2009|12:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Complaining here is more efficient than getting over my issues.
There's a woman in the lab nearby. She's a PHD... in fact she's the head of the lab nearby. So she's like super accomplished. She's from Spain I think... so she's smart AND a world traveler. And probably like 30-40.
She's got a body a barbie doll. Deer legs. Thin hips. Thinner middle. And HUGE tits. Not kidding, like a size 4 body with DD boobs.
And I am INSANELY jealous. Insane jealousy. Yes.
I wish I looked like that. Maybe not the mongo breasts... but at least the boy would stop reminding me how his ex had bigger ones. Personally, I wish I had deer legs most of all. She looks so good in patterned stockings. I don't. The pattern is all distorted in the thigh area and all baggy in the calf area. I would also like to wear sweater dresses without looking like a furry pear giving birth to a tiny head.
I wish I was accomplished, too. But, I'd really rather be beautiful... seems to be okay to be beautiful and mediocre than it is to be normal/ugly and mediocre.
This comes after I am feeling sick and gaining 5lbs in two weeks. 5lbs! Since I started the job! I'm not eating more... I'm sleeping less... and that makes me gain weight. I just hope I don't get back up to 140 like I was last Christmas.
I probably shouldn't have made cookies this weekend. No one ate them at the party I went to, so I took them home and ate them. Blegh. I wish I had one right now... and that's the problem. |
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| Stop ignoring me and tangents. |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|03:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
WHY does this happen? Why is this an acceptable course of action for most people?!!
Example:
I asked this woman a bunch of questions and she answered them promptly. But, then when I ask her one question she doesn't have an answer for, she ignores my calls and emails. Hey, LADY... if you haven't an answer, tell me. If there's someone else I should ask, tell me. If you're out of the office, tell me. If you're working on it... TELL ME!! Why is ignoring me acceptable to you?
Another example:
If I ask Ambrose a question he doesn't immediately have an answer for, he doesn't answer... EVER.
Then I have to ask at him, "Did you hear me?! Why don't you answer me!"
Turns out, he's thinking... then promptly decides he doesn't care enough to respond and goes back to his jerking off equivalent: video games. Why is ignoring the person you live with acceptable to him?
I swear to god, if I had more balls, I'd dump this selfish pig-boy-man and start all over again.
But, I used up my mulligan on someone else. I'm kind of terrified to do it again because I have more to loose now. Namely, my job and my house.
I'm really disappointed in this boy-man. I see my friend's husbands and go "Aw... I wish mine was that responsible and loving." I'm jealous. Sure I don't see the bad shit other men do, but EVERYONE sees the annoying shit mine does. It's painfully obvious to the casual observer that he just likes the sound of his own voice. Don't believe me? Try to tell your life story to him sometime... he'll probably interrupt you in favor of his before you get to age 2.
I just hope when I'm 30, and finally decide on dumping his ass or not, SOMEONE GOOD will want to date me. It's kinda getting close to the "you're NOT married? WTF is wrong with you? You must have major issues" point in life.
I am in such a bad mood I could spit. |
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| How many hot dogs do I need to buy to make an even pair? |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|07:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  squinty. | ] |
The hot dog and bun problem.
I have a tube rack that is 8x10. And labeled on the x axis is 1-10, the y Axis is labeled A-H (8 spaces).
I have tubes connected in rows of 8. Labeled 1-8.
If I put the 8 tubes in the 8 holes on the y axis, they are no longer matching up to their numbers. Now I have to think in numbers and letters.
If I put the 8 tubes-row on the X axis... I have a space of 4. HALF the size of a second rack. Cuts my carrying capacity.
AUGH!
I don't know why, but micro-chemistry loooooves to think in 8's. But measures in base 10.
PS I'm still at work... going on my 10th hour.
I swear, I'm going to blow up. |
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| LINES. |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|02:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Squinty type of exhausted | ] |
Chronicles of sleep deprivation; Lab edition
Oh god, I've been getting around 6 hours of sleep a night since I started working. Insomnia, bad schedule, DSPS, cat screaming, good things on TV, general unwant, ect.
So I stumble into lab, have to do tiny things with tiny volumes of invisible things and do terrible things to mice... who bite me. Now I'm staring at tiny tiny lines and comparing them to other even tiner lines, trying to figure out what it all MEANS before my boss comes back and discovers I don't know what the lines mean by now.
I hate lines. I wish I could take a nap. Naps make lines a little easier to deal with. |
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| Blegh. |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|12:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
My apple pie doesn't look half as nice as Alton Brown promised it would.
I haven't opened it yet for fear the apples have evaporated and it's just full of air.
Or mushy. And well... I don't like apple pie.
I had a grand idea of a bracelet for my Aunt.
It's too small when using the beads I bought for it.
It's too large when adding small gold spacer beads.
I'm frustrated when things don't work out as planned.
I think this is my entire life problem. |
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| Things that escape modern slubs. |
[Nov. 13th, 2009|10:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
Dear world,
I know viral videos can contain just about anything, and I have friends who are REAL BIG vectors for these diseases. I recently got a "zit pop video" and grossness aside, let me just say this:
A ZIT and an ABSCESS are NOT the same thing.
Granted, a zit is a tiny abscess... but if you have a infection; a real big infection... it's not a zit.
Stop faking me out!
Blegh,
Me |
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| Mice make me want to puke now. |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|06:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
Today was not a good day.
One. My PCR flopped. I don't know why. Not a clue. I'm tasked with redoing the whole thing but I don't know what I did wrong so I can't "change" the parameters...
Two: That ice bucket thinger. RAR.
Three. I was given a super quick smattering of mouse handling today. Even though I'm technically not even supposed to touch a mouse until I pass the class tomorrow. I have to say... this bugs me- The mouse procedures. Somehow I'm able to stand, watch and perform these duties, but I really don't like to. I don't throw up, but sometimes, I really thought I should have.
I think I felt this way when I was working with piles of blood, spleen sections and other goo. I think I felt this way when I saw the partially dissected monkeys on the tables. I think I got over it. So I'm hoping I can get over the mouse procedures, too.
Problem is, I think they are DAMN CUTE. With the monkeys; they were cute, but I didn't have to really see them until they were just... rhesus pieces... However, these mice are live and all up in my face about it.
I'm required to DAILY separate sexes (easy), Clip tail ends, cauterize said tail ends, and PUNCH HOLES IN EARS. SHUDDER, Squirm, wince! Scream! Man, I know this is all kinds of necessary and as quick and humane as the law requires, but damn it... the punch sound is so sickening.
I'm also not a fan of the cauterization method. It could be faster and quicker. And safer for me. They have small, fast, safe machines that do this "Cut + Caut" thing in a flash for PIGS. Just make it mini sized?! Why am I the only one who thinks of these things?
Four. As if it wasn't enough to dock like 20 mice today, I had to euthanize 15 more. It was exceptionally UNFUN. I'll spare you the details but having to handle that many limpy bodies was perhaps THE worst thing I've had to stomach in science. Okay, no... The whole mouse experience has been pretty awful.
This was awful.
I think I'll go home and make a pie. |
|
|
| Chain o' complain |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|12:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | angry | ] |
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
I'm new in the lab, I know... I have no idea what's mine and what's not mine to use.
If you don't like sharing shit in a BAY LAB, you've got a huge problem. If you don't want to share.... tell me!!
But don't go to my lab head and complain I'm using YOUR lab's ice bucket for 15 minutes. When there are 10 other ones laying around, too.
The lab head had to tell my boss to tell me. What a waste of time and email electrons.
Tell ME you jerks. I'm learning. I don't bite. I don't even know your name. Tell ME... who knows, I might even thank you for it.
Assfaces. |
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| Second day angries! |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|09:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
As with anyone's first week on the job, I think it's going pretty weirdly.
The logistics of this place are a giant MESS.
My desk is next to my bench, which is nice from a lazy stand point, but also damn scary becase it's next to EVERYTHING ELSE. Someone's wearing a labcoat and fume mask right behind me, and I'm not. What makes any of this idea safe?
My Desk is in another room from my boss and everyone else "in my lab". This poses problems for getting trained in anything, because I have no idea where anyone or anything is. Did I mention that all the halls look the same and the floor is compirsed of three identical sections?
My boss is a post doc. He's up to his eyeballs in work and he's 6'6. He's been trying to show me how to do things for the lab... but none of the things that are important to a new hire... like, When can I get a computer account? What is my email address? WHO is the head of the department and... for that matter... who are ANY of these people? And things like, is weds a holiday? Should I come in anyway? Where's my paycheck coming from?
And one big ass question for my second day: "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" I got here at 9, like he said to.. and now I can't find the guy! I don't know how to do anything, I can't even clean anything because I don't know what the hell is going on. If he's not here... and no one's is teaching me... I don't know why I'm here. This makes me mad.
I could be sleeping!
Also, Making me write a protocol of a procedure I have NEVER DONE or heard of before today is the dumbest thing I've ever been asked to do in a lab. |
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| Too sick to be happy. |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|11:41 pm] |
Why was it that when I was going bat shit insane about unemployment in August and September, I couldn't get a job?
But now, when my life is impending a great VOID and I feel fucking awful, I get one and have to start waking up at certain times?
Gawd, it feels like such a kick in the face. A good job right when I was needing the world to be slow and uninterested in my sleep patterns?
The porch cat , Jim, is probably owned by someone out there. I'm sick to my stomach when I think of that. Really... like throw up I'm so upset about it. Why? I don't know. Probably because I love him so much and I shouldn't have gotten attached because he's not MINE.
Mikey isn't so long for this world, and I'm terrified every time I don't see his eyes open. I don't feel sick because of that... I feel much worse. Like panic attack and miserable attack all together. The type of feeling where you want to drink yourself to death because it seems much easier to die first. God help me if someone else important dies... I probably wont handle it any better.
Ambrose and I disagree on the possibility of a new cat in the future. He says No... and I say "it's not a possibility, it's gonna happen". And we fight bitterly about everything for hours. I pretend to apologise about it, but I really think that he's being a giant fucking pansy. I hope some day he actually grows a pair and I wont have wasted my life on him.
Like I said before, I should be excited about my new job... but I'm not right now. I'm scared and nervous and slightly embittered.
Thank goodness for Tori, otherwise I'd probably have left Sac this afternoon and never returned. Sac has been a place of endless kicks in the face! |
|
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| Kitty Cancer. |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|06:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | angry | ] |
The house call vet just called to tell me that the lump on his neck is not a lipoma... but a thyroid adenoma. Which means, it's some sort of cancer, but they can't tell if it's malignant or not. If I want to know, I'm going to have to have it removed or biopsied. Which... he's unlikely to live through. The home call vet said to give up and put him to sleep. I don't think I like her.
The normal vet hasn't called back with the urine test results, yet. I don't know what to do until they call me back. I don't even have a clue on what the best treatment is... or what ANY treatment is now. Kidney disease and a thyroid tumor... but no elevated thyroid hormones? WTF?
I don't know WHAT TO DO.
Do I wait and see how large this tumor is going to get and then put him to sleep when it gets big enough to prevent him from swallowing?
Which terrible thing is gonna make him croak first? Kidney failure or the cancer?
Do I just give up?
What do I do? Somebody give me an OPTION! Fuck. Right now all I can do is wait till someone gives me a clue. |
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| No babies. |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|12:38 pm] |
Listen up, Mel!
I DON'T get to buy any of these today. There are NO babies standing around in my uterus.
Can't say I'm disappointed, I'm not looking forward to squeezing out a baby. But, those baby booties are SO CUTE.
Booties by someone on craftser. Not me. I claim nothing other than they are cute
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|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|11:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
Stupid LIFE... getting in the way... of LIFE.
I really really don't feel as excited as I should about finally getting a job. I have good reasons and I havn't had the chance to set them aside for a while and just be happy. I'd also feel guilty if I did at this moment.
So, rambling about the position will have to stand in for actual excitement.
The title is Jr specialist. Which sounds super impressive, because all my prior titles in this field were some combination of "Research" "Associate" "Lab" and/or "Assistant". It might mean there's a "senior" title in my future, but I know better. That lab is draining slowly down the tubes and the Post Doc I would be working for is intending on splitting in a year or so. Which! Is why he needs all the junior specialist help he can get.
There will be plenty of chances to do a lot of new skills. The boss guy made it sound like I will be doing a whole crap load of genetics. While I was ALL over genetics in college, since being in immunology for my entire career up till now, I don't have any practical or working knowledge on the subject. Which is good to learn, but bad because I have to find the ability out of a hat in order to perform anything.
It pays 200 dollars a month LESS than my old job. My rent is 200 dollars cheaper, but my other bills are way higher. I'm probably not going to be happy about this. Especially when I start trying to replace my savings. But, hell... this is much better than a kick in the ass. Or that job that was going to pay 75% my old salary AND make me commute. Which brings me to my next point.
I don't have to commute! I'm actually a little happy about this. I hate commuting. I don't have to maintain my car as often or buy gas or lug the gate open all the time. But, that means I'm going to have to wade in the rain and put up with assholes harassing me on my walk. I'm not allowed to carry a weapon at work (hospital, children, school n' all) so I'm kinda stuck for offensive defense. Here's hoping nothing worse happens.
It's in the same lab as Ambrose. This *can* cause a whole SLEW of problems. One being that I use a different voice when I'm speaking to Ambrose than when I'm speaking to work people and it's going to piss off Ambrose if I baby him in front of the lions or something. I'm under strict direct orders to not do any work for him, but he is now my instant source of help and now I might not go look anything up for myself. If he can pre-digest it for me... why slog through the literature?
I was also warned that working with my partner can cause rivalry, and well... seeing too much of each other. I was pretty much experiencing this already... I'm not sure if it'll get worse or better or what, but I've gotta give it a go.
So... I guess... there. That's all I got right now.
Mikey's going to have his lump aspirated tomorrow IN home. Yes, vets still make house calls, but they charge a huge fee to just show up. I'm not looking forward to any of this crap... especially since he wont hold still for fluids. I just want the lump ID'd. I don't know if it'll do anyone any good at this point... seeing how it's most obviously NOT a lipoma and he wont survive an extraction with kidney failure. At least he's eating the special food. I couldn't get the bag open fast enough for him!
I don't know how to deal with all this shit at once. I'm barely keeping it together. |
|
|
| JOB |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|10:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | busy | ] |
Crazy Karma.
All this terrible shit going on... and then... I got a job!
Hoorah! Just when everything's going wrong and I NEED time off!
I should be more happy... but I'm off to buy a pregnancy test, so I'm a little dampened right now.
Monday should be a pretty interesting first day! |
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| SQ; the home game |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|12:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
I've given many a cat SQ fluids when I worked at the vet in 02-04. It was pretty easy and I always had someone on stand by to help if I messed up. That was more than 5 years ago (omg).
Now I'm sitting here with a bag of salty water, a cannula and a hose in my lap, a kitty near by and I have completely unable to do it. I can't get the hose set up, I can't remember how to measure, I can't remember if I should let the hose drip first or not.
All I know is... I'm still too scared.
And I was so desperate to not have this be a part of my life that I ran out of there without getting a refresher course. Tori was a vet tech for longer and more recently than I was, she could help me. But, I can't wait that long.
I wish I wasn't so scared. |
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